A Golden Anniversary
This is the fuller version of my speech at Jean and Alan’s Golden Wedding Anniversary, with local geography removed.
Thank you Andrew,
When Jean first asked me to speak – I did wonder what she wanted me to say – I looked at hints on the internet and they all seemed a bit sugary “two hearts that beat as one” that style of thing. That’s not me and it’s probably not Jean and Alan. Say something nice I thought, well a list of Thornton’s chocolates sounds nice but may be still a bit too sweet — and Jean cannot eat chocolate anyway.
Jean did later say that “Past Present and Future” would be a good theme, so here goes.
It is inevitable that in speaking about anything which has managed to last for fifty years that we look at the things which created it, sustained it and promises to carry it forward.
If you are looking for secrets as to why Jean and Alan’s marriage has lasted they may not have any answers, but it might help if we look at their own past and the things which shaped them — influential people and events, models that they could draw on, and finally their own characters.
Both our families have come from working class stock, no blue blood, heroes or villains but plenty of villeins, and in fact if I can paraphrase Terry Pratchett “its agricultural labourers all the way down”.
Looking at Jean and Alan’s upbringing (I am including myself here), we were lucky — we had very little money but we did have a very strong bond in our immediate and extended family, together with good friends who were able to support one another. Bonds in families can help share the ups and downs of life — not relying on others but drawing strength from them to be able to stand up and be a self-sufficient part of the group. Knowing when to help, when to stand aside and not being afraid to get it wrong sometimes.
I would like to have some personal anecdotes to share but my memories of early family life are very sparse; Jean and me playing tennis (her Bishop Fox influences) in our hamlet. Giving Jean unofficial driving lessons in old Austin Seven.
But I have little recollection of Alan and Jeans early days. I think they met at a church social and quickly established a strong bond. Marriage followed and they had their first home together in a ‘Gassy Harris’ flat at Culmhead, (his name should have been ‘Ghastly’, but he did provide many people with a place to call home). Farrant’s Close was a complete contrast and there they started the family you see here today.
I do remember the annual Boxing Day get togethers, everyone squeezing in the houses at Purley Avenue and Purley Road, then in the bungalow in Northholme Road, gift exchanges and family stories told and retold, changing faces in the photos we took, as characters moved in and out of the family circle. I know that we have always tried to keep in touch as a family, with visits made holidays shared.
Had I know that I would have to speak at this get together I would have taken more notice over the last fifty years – making notes perhaps, but this is not supposed to be a litany of their deeds of derring-do. But I am sure Jean will do better than I can later.
Talking about family and memories Jean and Alan would say that they have been blessed (in inverted comma’s) with three children and the delight that watching them grow has given them. Andrew, Ian and Elizabeth who, like their Mum and Dad, have grown into caring adults and they in their turn have added delightful five grandchildren to the family, and I am sure their loyalty and love is treasured by Alan and Jean beyond measure, the smile of a grandchild is a joy which Iris and I can also share.
If we can go back to the start of this 50 year journey together can we pause for a second — because there are people that shared the start with them but are no longer here to help celebrate this particular golden milestone. Some have gone at their allotted time and others have gone much too soon. Some will have not been in at the start but Jean and Alan are so pleased to greet them and help share this happy event.
About Jean and Alan today, they would probably call themselves ordinary but they are extraordinary when it comes to kindness, generosity of spirit and commitment to family. They have continued their close ties with the church and their community, as always, making new friends and strengthening the old along the way.
They are talented in those things which do not make the headlines, Alan has given his time to visually impaired people and others he knows, helping with his accounting ability, and Jean’s sewing and housewifery skills are also renowned – talents she may have learn’t at our mothers knee and which have now been passed down a generation.
But you are also looking at a couple who have been more than just round the block. They decided to start SKI-ing (those inverted commas again) — they have travelled around the globe, once there and back to see how far it was, and once all the way around, losing a Saturday on the journey – a bit careless that! They were able to visit relatives in Australia and New Zealand with a welcome at every door — this is as much about Alan’s friendly hand shake and Jean’s warm nature present at every door.
Mountains, plains, valleys and deserts — been there done that. Yes, they even had the tee shirts. Travel in planes, trains, ships and cars of all descriptions. Jean has even been video’d in the pilot’s seat of a light aircraft flying over Harry Potter country in New Zealand — not a lot of people know that.
From Las Vegas; by car, a bumpy plane flight over the hoover dam to the West rim of the Grand Canyon, a helicopter drop a mile down into the canyon for a short voyage in a small boat travelling along the Colorado River. Having a typical ‘native american’ meal. Then returning to Las Vegas the same way — all in one hectic day.
All in all they have plenty of happy memories, home and abroad, for them to share and cherish. And yes they seem to enjoy the continuing journey together — supporting each other and testing every new sensation.
As to the future, that will take care of itself, and I am sure that Jean and Alan will look forward to any event that comes their way and derive pleasure from them all, large or small at home. I mentioned earlier about families and sharing our time together, as our own families grow it is inevitable that the occasions to meet will lessen but for events such as this we can all do that little bit extra to make things happen.
I did think that I would be able to tell a couple of jokes to lighten this speech wondering whether you had heard the one about Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle but I wasn’t sure where it would go. Likewise the story about Schrodinger’s Cat, but in deference to the RSPCA I decided to keep the lid on it.
As I near the end of this speech — “at last” do I hear someone whisper? Before I sit down just remember this, if you choose to applaud I shall never know if it is the speeches quality or you are just glad that it is over, I know which category I am in.
So my final words today are to;
“Alan and Jean – Past Present and Future”