Fathers and Sons

A chance remark by my youngest son reminded me, as if I needed reminding, that I have not made any entries since his daughter Amy was born – she is now more than fifteen months old so it is a long time, so her goes. . .

My father, like most of his generation grew up in hard times and the interaction of family life was very different. My grandfather was a product of Victorian values – seen and not heard etc. etc.  My relationship with my father reflected his upbringing.  Its not that his siblings were strict or dour it was just a different generation. Our relationship lacked a real interchange, he was away in the army when we were young – I was about seven or eight on his return in 1945. While I suspect my mother did write to him about us he was not able to watch us grow up so he did not seem to have a role in our nurturing.

As a result I did not have a close bond with him and did not understand his ways (my problem). We had little in the way of general conversation.  In fact, my one recollection by way of fatherly advise was on my decision to find my fortune overseas and it was a few words in parting “Watch out for these foreign women . . .” leaving the reason hanging in the air.

But this blog is also about my sons (I should write ‘our’) and I hope that I have played a more active role in Jason and Christian’s growing up, but only time will tell.

I do remember playing in the small garden in Ruishton, teaching them and the vicar’s daughter to ride bikes. But even writing that sentence has triggered vague memories of my father doing something similar for me.

I did have a role in their education, but I can’t remember homework.  I do remember walking to school with Christian after he broke his leg. I also recall attending end of term assessments, school plays and sports days.  I like to think that the purchase of a computer in about 1981 was instrumental in encouraging both of them into university and getting good degrees and influencing their careers.  As an aside, I also achieved my own long time ambition on the back of their success getting ‘letters after my name’ through the Open University.

Our two sons are now grown up (the jury was out for a long time) and have families of their own.  I like to think that we have a good rapport. We are in touch practically every week and I still try to understand was they are both doing, nodding wisely as they explain their projects.  They have both been more ambitious than I was and we are very proud of their endeavours. We both love them very much and will always do so. Hopefully for a long time to come.